I've been thinking lately... and I think I can bear my own sadness, but not the sadness of others. But I must try. I must always try.
Everyone has a personal moral code. Not just moral beliefs that come from whatever religion an individual follows or beliefs that come from an individual's family and environment, but also beliefs that the individual has developed personally on the way.
I can't make anyone happy. Happiness is a decision made by the person him or herself.
Mom tells me not to be responsible for other people's feelings.
But it's part of my code. I cannot ignore another person's sadness. If there is anything in my power to help a sad person, I feel compelled to try it, even when--or perhaps especially if--the situation seems hopeless.
You can't deny a code.
This is an extremely painful business. At the moment, I am not at an equilibrium; I am not doing much to help others, and I'm certainly not helping myself.
I was thinking about it, and I realized that there are two choices. 1) to keep trying and get stronger 2) to be a coward.
I don't have pride or honor issues, but the second choice isn't much of an option... it means not especially caring about how other people feel. Even if I could do that, I don't think it would help me much. So really this just means that I have to get stronger.
I think I can still follow my code if I learn to empathize with people and care about their pain without internalizing it and making it my own. I can only do what I can. If I can remember those things, I think I could do more good than I'm doing now.
I've also been thinking a lot lately about things being meant to happen. I might have called that fate, but I don't believe it's fate; fate implies a lack of individual decision, which I do think happens.
I don't seem to be able to express myself very clearly lately.
In the song "All You Need is Love," there is a lyric that goes like this: "There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be."
That's what I mean to say. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. It doesn't really matter what I do because everything that's happening is exactly what's supposed to be happening and I am exactly who I'm meant to be and God is the one who's doing everything anyway, so I don't actually have anything to worry about.
It seems like by saying "I think I can still follow my code if I learn to empathize with people and care about their pain without internalizing it and making it my own. I can only do what I can", you are following neither a nor b. I would say you have found "c", which seems to be "find a different way of going about the problem."
ReplyDeleteAnd your solution seems to be the most helpful of the three.
I think there is wisdom in all three solutions, and I wouldn't call "b" being a coward. I don't think giving up is being a coward. I agree that it wouldn't be good if you gave up because you didn't want to put the effort into finding a better solution, but realize that sometimes that solution may be giving up. Letting go. And that's okay. Sometimes that is how you can help people the most. :-)
I'm really looking forward to you coming out to Tech.
Oh Leedle Bunsies...
ReplyDeleteDoodle nod worry bells. Leedle... your code id ver ver strict and you mud not feel guilty bells. I nod I am one to talkage bud... you mud nod!
"Don't feel guilty, feel motivated. Realizing that you are part of the problem doesn't mean you can't be an active part of the solution!"
I modens that is cheesy bells bud guilt only brings you downage... and helps nod one.
Leedle Buns I will be homies in led than a weekage and I am ver ver exema.
Aldo... did UIL get canceled bells due to swine fluage?
laura is suck a little suck up.
ReplyDeleteWow. I really appreciate your advice ('your' being plural). It's very helpful to hear other opinions.
ReplyDeleteLaura: I really like that you refer to the various solutions with letters. It makes it feel like a logic problem or a mathematical proof, which is an interesting contrast to a conflict of sentiments. I was not quite aware of c, but now that I am, it is quite appealing. I believe c would be a nice compromise.
You don't think that giving up is being a coward? That is incredibly interesting. I can't decide what the criteria of cowardice is... coward and courage seem to be two very vague words to me.
I really appreciate this view; it is something I have never considered before, and it will be very helpful to future thought.
I'm looking forward to coming to Tech, too. :)
Sister: I think both of us have strict codes. You are indeed one to talkage; your thoughts are very valuable because you speak of something that you know personally, which only makes your statements all the more true.
Who do you quote, sister?
I believe clichés must have powerful elements of truth in them or they would not be said so often. You are right, sister, and I appreciate your thoughts.
I will be sooooooooo glad for you to be homage!!! I just hope that homage doesn't bring you down. What daydle do you come homage? Wednesday?
So far they're saying that UIL is postponed at least until the 11th. I think they will probably still have it. I can't fathom that they would just completely cancel something like that. State UIL... kind of a big deal, isn't it? I sincerely hope they still have it because Jacob-bells is leaving for Delaware in a month and that might be the last timage I get to see him. I also judda wanted to see all the super-smart people walking around. I don't really expect to do well at the contest, but I would be really excited to sit in the same room as those other kids--oh, sister, you should read what they write! They're freaking amazing!
I can't imagine that anyone would want to 'suck up' to me; I'm just a weird teenager.