This Naming with Numbers...

At last! I'm going to be in NHS!

When I opened the letter and read the first line, I laughed. Now that I'm a senior who has already applied for admission and scholarships to college, I'm going to receive NHS designation. I've lost weight, sleep, a little sanity and a lot of peace of mind--but I'm going to be in National Honor Society.

What a dreadful two paragraphs I just typed. I suppose there's a cynic in everyone. Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I'll make some statements heralding gratitude. I do believe that NHS is as silly as GT, but there are obvious benefits to this. I'll be reapplying for financial aid every year, so having NHS on my application will probably end up being beneficial. It might help if I miraculously go to grad school, too. And what's cool is that I'll get the designation without having all the NHS stress crap that the other kids have had to deal with over the years. Not very fair to them, I guess. But even if it didn't go on my initial applications and things, I'm glad I didn't have to keep up with hours and do Mrs. Silman's bidding all the time; I like volunteering, but not the kind of things NHS often requires.

And Mom's finally happy. If I could just end up in the top %10, I think I could effectively say I've conquered High School. Well, not really. But for me, you know.

That's so funny. People think I'm smart because I've been killing myself over homework this year, people think I'm really good at math because I'm in Calculus, and people will think I'm honorable because I'm in NHS. Oo-hoo-hoo have I fooled them!

I'd just like to show the world that people are not intelligent because they do their homework. I'd like the world to see that grades do not indicate intellect or enthusiasm and that people and their respective talents are not numbers.

I like to think that I'm at least a little intelligent, that I've gotten better at math, and that I do have a personal sense of honor. But it isn't because I make good grades or got admitted to some organization.

I'd kind of like to note at the end of my list of accomplishments that I've failed classes before. That I once made a habit of it, in fact. Of course I won't do that, but really, all the failure was an accomplishment, too.

I don't know when exactly people started seeing me as a 'good' kid. This past year people have made comments to the effect of my being an overachiever, etc, and they're always shocked when I tell them that I've failed classes before.

Yes, I am grateful and I do appreciate the benefits of 'achievement', and I understand the necessity of such systems... but I feel like a pretender lately when I get report cards full of high 90's. I'm making much higher grades, but I haven't necessarily learned more. I have read a lot less, which I find very saddening.

I apologize for the cynicism and any other negative sentiments found within this post. I just wanted to express it and I didn't want to do that at school (we are not at all short on cynicism there). The ideas and issues I've raised haven't been fully explored; there are distinct gaps in my reasoning. This is just how I feel for the moment. It really is nice of them to invite me to NHS. It's just silly, is all. It's just so silly that I couldn't pass up the commentary.